Carol Anne's Quotes And Articles

What do you mean you don't like me anymore? You can't say the word "anymore" if that did not ever exist! You have hated me since the second you first met me, first heard of me, and first laid eyes on me. You never liked me from the very beginning! You were just pretending to like me; while you were secretly on the down-low. This whole time you have been keeping a fake smile on your face and showing a fake display of kindness and loyalty! You thought I wasn't going to figure you out but I did! You basically stayed out of the way and stayed on my good side; until you felt that it was the right time to show your true colors. You sat back on the sidelines and watched me behind the scenes.... Waiting for me to make a mistake or have an accident, so you could hold it against me and use it to the best of your advantage! You desperately needed a reason to feed and exercise the hideous monster you were holding inside; all along. It's no mystery that you turned on me; quickly after my flaws were exposed and after I had my hardship! It was the downfall that gave you a free pass to act shitty towards me. If anyone can do a 180 on another person in the blink of an eye; without trying to make peace with them or work things out with them first; it means that they were not digging the person! 

Whether a negative disagreeable opinion is expressed or held inside; it will always and forever be a part of the person who possesses it; unless he himself or she herself decides to change their way of thinking on their own. They have to do it themselves! Nobody can force them to; and there is absolutely no amount of anger, curse words, humiliation, insults, or physical blows that anyone can dish out and direct towards them that will somehow stop them from feeling the way that they feel.... Neither are you solving anything or helping someone else when you threaten them or tell them not to say what they wanna say because that is not going to magically make their emotions disappear and it won't make the slightest bit of difference! It might satisfy you and other people when you do not have to listen to their negativity, but it is still very much alive within that person; even if or while they are being completely silent... Plus it is still eating them up to the point where they desperately need to get it out of their system before they explode! As a wise friendly suggestion; it might not be such a bad idea to allow the pessimistic people to release their bitterness and their hatred; rather than cutting them off or faulting them. Taking the time to mentally process their words; will help us listeners figure out the story behind what they are saying and try to reason with them and encourage them to change their terrible mindset!! 

If you don't want me to be a soft person; stop being so hard on me all the time! Too much force and too much pressure can "wear out" a person's backbone; since our bones are not made out of metal. Skeletons can break pretty easily, so please tone it down and ease up a little bit; otherwise deal with my softness!! Us humans can only carry something heavy or handle something difficult for a certain amount of time before our energy and our tolerance reaches its limit. 

It could be a thing or it could be a person! Whoever and whatever it is; the same logic still applies; in some cases, and as the saying goes, "All that glitters is not gold!" The things that are bad for you are the things that catches your best interest! It looks good, it tastes good, it smells good, it feels good, and it says or does all of the things that pleases you!!! The lies and the false beautiful perception that it feeds its prey; is what it uses to capture them and lure them into its trap. Once you are deep inside; there's no way out! It'll tear you to shreds and devour you!!! What you need is what you do not want, and what you want is what you do not need!!! Evil comes in attractive forms and in pretty faces! The things that are not bad for you are the things that turns you off; or seem weird, creepy, ugly, and uninteresting! Those are the good things and the right people. That is who and what deserves your time and your attention. 

People can not say what they would rather say! They can only say what they are forced to say. Everyone is programmed like robots. They are all mindless zombies who can't think for themselves! They do not have control over their words or their actions, and for that reason; I can no longer trust or believe anything that anyone says. It's hard to determine whose response is genuine and whose response is rehearsed. I am a victim of a family generational curse. My first guess is that the curse is speaking to me from inside of other people. It speaks through their mouths and through their voices! The curse is making them say what it wants them to! I now realize I am not literally talking to the actual person that I am communicating with, and to be honest; I don't think I ever had the chance to get to know any of the people that I've met in the past, or connected with! I was only introduced to the clone! The curse's cloned version of them, but not who they truly were!!! 

It was foolish of me to do what I've done for as long as I did, but you see; that's the thing... It wasn't what I did that was bad! It was the awfulness that occurred after it was done. I pace the floor while the lights are off in my room! As I lay underneath the covers in my bed; my inner voice questions me... Asking what on earth was I thinking and how could I have been so thoughtless and so careless!!!? It's just like the moment that christians, muslims, and the bible says is going to happen at the end of the world. The one about judgement day and god's decision of where the souls shall spend eternity. From what I've read and from what I've heard; everyone has to pay their debt. We will stand before Jesus and he will call our names individually! When each of us are addressed in the afterlife; we must step forward and be judged for every wrong action that we've made. I'm not sure if I doubt it or believe it, but this is exactly how it seems! I feel I am being scolded, and I feel ashamed; every time the little voice in my head asks me those questions, or any other type of question that is accusable and manipulative! The questioning is much farther than a regular typical interrogation! It's not a simple gesture of kindness or politely asking something out of curiosity, and it's definitely not the solicitousness of wanting to know what the problem is; in order to give some sort of good advice. It is none of these things, unfortunately! The voice judges me and points the finger at me; instead of helping me make the right choice or helping me learn from my mistakes; as a conscience is supposed to do! I am beginning to reach the sense that maybe it's not really a conscience. It could be the devil; disguising himself as my conscience! Everything that is connected to me; somehow revolves around him! For years; he has been interfering with my destiny! He controls my life and has access to everything in my life; including my body and my mind. Every single day; he violates me for his own sick amusement and god watches what he does as he sits comfortably in his royal seat in the kingdom of heaven and allows him to get away with it! Everywhere I turn; the devil is there. It has always been this way, so technically it wouldn't be a major shock and it wouldn't surprise me; if it were Lucifer and not a real conscience. The role of a conscience is to inform you. It warns you of the possibilities and the impossibilities; or either the dangers and the results of the choices that you choose. It also reminds you of things that you did; and things that you have once previously said, experienced, or witnessed. A flashback is your brain's way of putting clues together; to better understand something, and to find a conclusion, or solve a difficult situation! That is what it is naturally designed to do. A conscience should never worry you, threaten you, lie to you, scare you, provoke you, blame you for the terrible stuff that happened you, or make you wish you were dead...And it should not act arrogant or superior to you and cause you to be stressed out! Only the devil and society does this!!!! I don't know anything or anyone else who would stoop so low. They are the ones that hurt people and carry a godly and a perfectionist mentality! This obnoxious "so called" conscience of mine; is a pain in the neck! It keeps rubbing all of my mistakes in my face like a broken record; and it keeps bringing awful memories to my attention, and things that pisses me off! The harassment lasts for several hours. Some days; it gets to the point where I become agitated and lose my temper! The one particular mistake that it won't let me forget; out of all the mistakes I have ever made; is the fact that I used to be a social person!!! I would do anything to stop him from bugging me about this. Yes I am 100 percent comprehensible!!! I acknowledge that part of it was my fault. HOW MANY TIMES DOES HE NEED TO EXPLAIN IT TO ME? I GET IT ALREADY!!! I know that I never should've tried to make friends, but wait... That's not all of it! I'm not finished yet. I never should've trusted people, I never should've helped people, I never should've cared about people, I never should've shared my secrets with the people that I befriended, I never should've believed what people told me, I never should've called out for help, I never should've went to public school when I was a child and a teenager, I never should've put myself around other people in a public setting, I never should've tried to meet new people, I never should've introduced myself to anyone, and I never should've lived with my family when I was growing up or the years after I had gotten older! 

I can not explain how it feels or what it's like to have a life and not be alive; at the same time. For me it was the other way around! I've been alive since the day I was born, but I never actually lived or had a life. Everything was taken from me! I was stripped naked, shamed for my emptiness, pushed around like a slave, judged for my mistakes, held hostage as a prisoner, dragged across the floor like an object instead of a human being, criticized because of my flaws and my deficiencies, lost in a cyclic pattern of misfortune, accused for things that I haven't done, humiliated and laughed at like a comedy show, people ignoring me on purpose and not understanding me or taking me seriously, and both my name and my reputation covered in trash..filth...lies...and misconceptions! Out of all the guys and girls I have known and connected with; neither of them are no longer speaking to me. The second I started to become attached and as soon as I started to like them; they abandoned me! Some dissapeared by choice and some were by fault, but the majority of the time; it was me who decided to leave! It wasn't because I was too picky or because my standards were over the top!!! I personally do not care about expectations. A friend is just a friend; whether it is a best friend, an acquaintance, or a person to talk to when you are tense or bored!!! Nothing more; nothing less! They deceived me, manipulated me, took advantage of me, played with my emotions, and made me think that they loved me and appreciated me. They were smiling in my face and stabbing me in the back. That is why I left! I was tragically devastated and if you can believe it; some of them were hurting me spiritually; as well as physically. Not all of them praised or believed in Jesus Christ!!! A few of my old friends were acolytes of Satan. They worshiped the devil and they relied on the power of voodoo, hoodoo, and witchcraft. It was how dealt with their problems, how they bonded with Lucifer, and how they were able to think and function properly! They could not survive or compose themselves without engaging in the black arts. Jesus wasn't their god; as they claimed!!! They targeted me and used their demonic practices to damage me and poison me! They were secretly doing it in the dark and behind closed doors!!! There wasn't a day that went by; when they did not cast evil spells over me. I never knew what was going on until the very last minute. I would always find out late because for some strange reason; the truth only came to the surface; after we had gotten deeper into the friendship and after we had gotten fully acquainted with each other! It was usually in the middle or somewhere close to the end. That was the moment they loved the most! Once they exposed their true personality; I saw who they really were and then I realized they were not as pleasant as they appeared to be; when we first met.

I want to live. All I ever wanted to do was live, but the life that I lived wasn't my life. It was a life that did not belong to me. It was someone or something else's recreation of my life. What I have been living is a sadistic imitation of how they wanted my life to be; instead of the way it naturally was supposed to be, and the way god intended for it to be! They or it stole what was meant to be mine. My life was taken from me. They gave away my real life and transformed my existence into their own fantasy. My reality was their reality and their reality was my reality! This thing swapped places with me. It handed my wonderful glorious life to all of the people who were responsible for cursing me and putting me in this predicament!!! My enemies spent each of their days living in peace and in happiness; while I suffered many trials and tribulations! I basically had my tail between my legs. It traded me for a life of pain, rage, poverty, agony, insanity, and sickness. The "it" that I am talking about is supernatural and can not be referred to as anything else but "it" because it isn't a he or a she and it doesn't have a name or a trace. It is none other than a curse. I first thought that the curse was just an invisible negative wave that caused bad things to happen, but I was wrong and apparently so was Kevin Fischer! He said death is like a force, and McKinley responded by saying, "A force is just a force! It's nothing else!! It's just transferred energy." That was a scene from the movie "Final Destination 3". Kevin used the wrong analogy to describe death and his answer was incorrect!!! It is not a force! It's a lot more to it than that!!!  The curse is a combination of god and a human being. It's a giant powerful god-like humanoid creature. It acts as though it is a person and it has the same power that god has; however, it doesn't seem as if it is one person; in my perspective!! It's like a group of god-like beings; all combined together as one. The curse has a conscience and has mood swings. It can speak, it can hear, it's in all places at all times, it sees everything, it knows everything, and it can do everything. It is an identical replica of god; except it is a twisted evil demonic version of god!